Oh my god, South Park mocks Irwin

The creators of South Park have never been afraid to upset celebrities – and many of the show’s viewers.

From jokes about religion and homosexuality to four-letter tirades, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have always mixed shock tactics with satire in the hit cartoon series.

But they were accused of hitting a new low last night after lampooning the demise of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin just weeks after his death.

The latest episode shows an animated Irwin in Hell with a stingray poking out of his bleeding chest.

Irwin, 44, died in September after he was impaled by a stingray’s barb, while snorkelling near the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

The South Park episode called Hell On Earth 2006, which was broadcast in the US this week, shows Satan preparing to host a Hallowe’en fancy dress party.

Hundreds of dead celebrities are invited, including rapper Notorious B.I.G., Princess Diana and Hitler.

But at the party Satan receives complaints from his guests that someone is inappropriately dressed up as Irwin.

Satan confronts Irwin but the Aussie environmentalist protests it is really him, not a guest in a costume.

While characters have been killed off in the series before – spawning the show’s catchphrase “Oh my god, they killed Kenny!” – campaigners are particularly incensed about the stingray still being attached to Irwin’s bloodstained trademark khaki shirt.

British broadcasting watchdog Mediawatch condemned the episode as “grossly insensitive.”

Its director, John Beyer, said: “I think this is in bad taste. Steve Irwin’s family are still grieving.”

“To lampoon somebody’s death like that is unacceptable and so soon after the event is grossly insensitive. It is not what the family would want to see.”

South Park maker Comedy Central defended the episode. A spokesman said: “It has offended people in the past and probably will again. Regular watchers would not be shocked.”

Those Crazy Germans in Afganistan

Boy Scout Anti-piracy Merit Badge

The new Boy Scout merit badge is causing quite a bit of controversy online. That’s because aware consumers know that the word “Respect” in Respect Copyrights is a subjective term. The merit badge – wholly developed under the auspices the entertainment industry – is more propaganda than a beacon of good clean living. The truth is the digital age has exposed the flaws and abuses of copyright, the laws that govern it and the entities that control it.

The issues, which include the fair use rights of citizens, are complex and in need of revision. That revision will take years of congressional review and then court interpretation of law, because copyright is a state-endorsed monopoly and fair-use rights are imparted into this privilege to preserve balance. The whole process is made more convoluted by an array of bills like Broadcast Flag, which plan to impart a pro-corporate interpretation of this monopoly, weakening this balance. Monopoly should never be absolute.

The issue is under too much turmoil to distill into a merit badge for tween and teen boys. Recently, Creative Technologies released a firmware upgrade to its MP3 players that removed a feature that allowed these players to record FM broadcasts. Creative cited fear of record industry lawsuits. The problem is the Audio Home Recording Act of 1992 specifically allows the activity the record industry calls illegal. Are these Boy Scouts being taught that the rights given to them by the Audio Home Recording Act of 1992 are a criminal activity? You see my point. This is one merit badge whose merits are in question.

The media industries are very crafty to manipulate the Boy Scout organization into helping them with their awareness campaign. But I am not as concerned as some of my peers.

You see I was a Cub Scout and I KNOW what many of my fellow scouts did after the meetings. I can say with all honesty that not all of it was virtuous.

Is Sex Necessary?

Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. “Saving yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There’s no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted disease.)

In one of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study was designed to compare persons of comparable circumstances, age and health. Its findings, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards. Other studies (some rigorous, some less so) purport to show that having sex even a few times a week has an associative or causal relationship with the following:

- Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.

- Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 follow-on to the Queens University study mentioned above, researchers focused on cardiovascular health. Their finding? That by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half. In reporting these results, the co-author of the study, Shah Ebrahim, Ph.D., displayed the well-loved British gift for understatement: “The relationship found between frequency of sexual intercourse and mortality is of considerable public interest.”

- Weight loss, overall fitness: Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles. Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.

- Reduced depression: Such was the implication of a 2002 study of 293 women. American psychologist Gordon Gallup reported that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.

- Pain-relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.

- Less-frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system.

- Better bladder control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is worked during sex.

- Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest–even Tartar Control Crest. Researchers have noted, parenthetically, that sexual etiquette usually demands the brushing of one’s teeth before and/or after intimacy, which, by itself, would help promote better oral hygiene.

- A happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it’s better to evict them. Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. Having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man’s risk of cancer by up to 40%. That’s because he runs an increased risk of contracting sexual infections. So, if you want the all the purported benefits of flushing with none of the attendant risk, go digital. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

While possession of a robust appetite for sex–and the physical ability to gratify it–may not always be the cynosure of perfect health, a reluctance to engage can be a sign that something is seriously on the fritz, especially where the culprit is an infirm erection.

Dr. J. Francois Eid, a urologist with Weill Medical College of Cornell University and New York Presbyterian Hospital, observes that erectile dysfunction is extension of vascular system. A lethargic member may be telling you that you have diseased blood vessels elsewhere in your body. “It could be a first sign of hypertension or diabetes or increased cholesterol levels. It’s a red flag that you should see your doctor.” Treatment and exercise, says Dr. Eid, can have things looking up again: “Men who exercise and have a good heart and low heart rate, and who are cardio-fit, have firmer erections. There very definitely is a relationship.”

But is there such a thing as too much sex?

The answer, in purely physiological terms, is this: If you’re female, probably not. If you’re male? You betcha.

Dr. Claire Bailey of the University of Bristol says there is little or no risk of a woman’s overdosing on sex. In fact, she says, regular sessions can not only firm a woman’s tummy and buttocks but also improve her posture.

Dr. George Winch Jr., an obstetrician/gynecologist in Elko, Nev., concurs. If a woman is pre-menopausal and otherwise healthy, says Dr. Winch, her having an extraordinary amount of intercourse ought not to pose a problem. “I don’t think women can have too much intercourse,” he says, “so long as no sexually transmitted disease is introduced and there’s not an inadvertent pregnancy. Sometimes you can have a lubrication problem. If you have that, there can be vaginal excoriation–vaginal scrape.”

Women who abstain from sex run some risks. In postmenopausal women, these include vaginal atrophy. Dr. Winch has a middle-aged patient of whom he says: “She hasn’t had intercourse in three years. Just isn’t interested. The opening of her vagina is narrowing from disuse. It’s a condition that can lead to dysparenia, or pain associated with intercourse. I told her, ‘Look, you’d better buy a vibrator or you’re going to lose function there.’”

As for men, urologist Eid says it’s definitely possible to get too much of a good thing, now that drugs such as Viagra and Levitra have given men far more staying power than may actually be good for them.

The penis, says Eid, is wonderfully resilient. But everything has its limits. Penile tissues, if given too roistering or prolonged a pummeling, can sustain damage. In cases you’d just as soon not hear about, permanent damage.

“Yes,” says Dr. Eid, “It is possible for a young man who is very forceful and who likes rough sex, to damage his erectile tissue.” The drugs increase rigidity; moreover, they make it possible for a man to have second and third orgasms without having to wait out intermission.

“I see it in pro football players,” says Eid. “They use Viagra because they’re so sexually active. What they demand of their body is unreasonable. It’s part of playing football: you play through the pain.” This type of guy doesn’t listen to his body. He takes a shot of cortisone, and keeps on going. And they have sex in similar fashion.”

There’s a reason the penis, in its natural state, undergoes a period of flaccidity: That’s when it takes a breather. The blood within it is replenished with oxygen. “During an erection,” explains Eid, “very little blood flows to the penis. During thrusting, pressure can go as high as 200 mil of water. Zero blood flows into penis at that time.” To absorb oxygen, the tissue must become relaxed. “If you do not allow the penis to rest, then the muscle tissue does not get enough oxygen. The individual gets prolonged erections, gets decreased oxygen to tissue, and could potentially suffer priapism.” (We recommend you get a medical encyclopedia and look it up.) “The muscle becomes so engorged, it’s painful. Pressure inside starts to increase. Cells start dying. More pressure and less blood flow. Eventually the muscle dies. Then there’s scarring. That’s why it’s considered an emergency.”

Look what my wife brought me in Africa…

Muslim cleric likens women to ‘uncovered meat’

A Muslim cleric’s claim that women who do not wear the veil are like ‘uncovered meat’ who attract sexual predators sparked outrage around Australia yesterday.

Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali, the nation’s most senior Muslim cleric, compared immodestly-dressed women who do not wear the Islamic headdress with meat that is left uncovered in the street and is then eaten by cats.

Politicians including Prime Minister John Howard, community leaders and a large number of Muslims condemned the mufti’s comments amid calls that he should be deported to Egypt, his country of origin.

In a Ramadam sermon in a Sydney mosque, Sheik al-Hilali suggested that a group of Muslim men recently jailed for many years for gang rapes were not entirely to blame.

There were women, he said, who ’sway suggestively’ and wore make-up and immodest dress “and then you get a judge without mercy and gives you 65 years. But the problem, but the problem all began with who?” he said, referring to the women victims.

Addressing 500 worshippers on the topic of adultery, Sheik al-Hilali added: “If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it..whose fault is it – the cats or the uncovered meat?

“The uncovered meat is the problem.”

He went on: “If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab (veil), no problem would have occurred.”

Women, he said, were ‘weapons’ used by Satan to control men.

His comments, reported yesterday in the nationally-circulated newspaper The Australian, created a storm of outrage.

It follows anger that erupted among Muslims in Britain earlier this month when MP Jack Straw said women who wear veils over their face can make community relations harder.

But Sheik al-Hilali’s has created an even bigger storm by using the uncovered meat example to accuse women who do not cover their heads and faces of tempting men.

Prime Minister Howard labelled the mufti’s comments as ‘appalling and reprehensible’, adding: “They are quite out of touch with contemporary values in Australia.

“The idea that women are to blame for rapes is preposterous. I not only reject the comments, I condemn them unconditionally.” Treasurer Peter Costello urged the Muslim community to condemn the comments and take action against the Sheik.

“If you have a significant religious leader like this preaching to a flock in a situation where we’ve had gang rapes, in a way that seems to make it justifiable, or at least lighten the dehumanising and degrading extent of the offence.”

A close associate of the sheik, Keysar Trad, said the speech was about adultery, not rape. “He wasn’t talking about standard norms of dress in Australia or any country, he wasn’t talking about the hijab, he was talking about people who engage in extramarital sex.”

But Federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner Miss Pru Goward said there could be no backtracking over the comments. “He could be guilty of incitement to the crime of rape and should be deported,” she said.

The guy on drums has issues….