Official Student Newspaper suggestions…

Lights, camera, homemade porn

Summer vacation is coming up and many of you will be returning home for the next four months. For those of you who found a sweetie while at university, this means having to endure a temporary long distance relationship (LDR).

LDRs can be pretty hard on the sex life, but one way to keep the fires of love burning is to maintain regular contact. Not just the “I miss you more, no I miss you more” phone calls, I’m talking about more intimate contact: the phone sex, cyber sex, web-cam strip teases, and of course, the e-mailed nude photos. In fact, you could start making your own special porn collection right now and create an impressive photo album to help remind you both about why you’re putting yourselves through a temporary LDR. Even if you aren’t facing an upcoming LDR, making your own porn can be a really fun way to spend some time together—with a hot souvenir!

Whether you are taking digital photos or filming your porn, you’ll want to make sure that your subject(s) look(s) their best. I recommend using soft lighting, but not too dim or the quality will be grainy. The pros actually keep their cameras a little out of focus because it reduces the fine detail captured and makes their subjects look better — soft lighting can have a similar effect. You can soften up the lighting in a naturally lit room by putting thin white paper or a white shower curtain over the window and setting up a piece of white Styrofoam opposite the window as a reflector. 
Another good tip is to keep your “problem areas” covered. If you hate your thighs, wear a skirt; if you hate your calves, keep them out of the shot; if you hate your ass, film it in flattering ways or not at all. You can make your ass look nicer on camera by bending over and sticking it out — that makes the muscles look tighter and irons out dimples. Guys, you can make yourselves look longer by giving your pubes a trim and shaving back any of the hair on your shaft.

They are your photos, so if you love how your penis looks from the side, film it from the side; if you’re proud of your breasts, make them a feature. Remember, just because you’re trying to take sexy pictures, it doesn’t mean you have to be fully naked, only show off the parts of your body that you like the best!

Now, think about what you want to do in the pictures/film. Do you want to be taking your clothes off frame by frame? Do you want to be masturbating? Do you want to be having sex with your partner or another consenting adult? Decide what you want to show and how you want to show it. If you are feeling really professional, you might even want to draw up a storyboard.
It’s also important to consider why you are filming or taking pictures of this. Are you photographing your partner for your private collection? Photographing yourself for a partner who is far away? Or is it for your amateur porn site that you created to help pay for textbooks? You’ll want to set up shots that will be pleasing to your target audience; if it’s photos for your partner, ask them to tell you what they’d like to see or have them direct the shoot.
Next, pick your venue. Public places might not be a good idea because you risk being found and fined for public nudity; it might be hard to explain to the staff at Dana Porter why you were naked in the stacks with your strap-on.

I recommend sticking to private places: your bedroom, your office, your lab. Places where you are not going to be interrupted mid-shoot and where you can feel free to do whatever you want.

If you don’t have a tripod I recommend choosing a venue that has shelves or other surfaces to put the camera on while you shoot. Set the camera on the surface and check the display.

Make a note of what parts of the room are in the frame so that you can stay in the shot. The beauty of digital technology is that you can even take a test picture of yourself to help pick the right place to stand/sit/kneel/lay so that you and/or your subject look best.
 Try out some poses for the camera, try things you’ve seen in porn and keep checking your pictures to make sure you like what you’re seeing. But, above all, have fun with it! You’re now a super sexy amateur porn star!!

Tips:

If you are using a flash, don’t put the camera below whatever you are shooting unless you are shooting a close-up. If the flash is below the subject of the shot, the whole upper half of your amateur porn star will be cast into very non-sexy shadow.

Instead of saying “cheese” try saying “prune” to get a sexy pout going.

Need a “cum” shot? Try using egg whites as a substitute for the real thing. It’s easier to control exactly where it goes and you can get ridiculous portions if you want.

Big Box store sells big boxes

COSTCO COFFINS — One of our best pals recently was on a shopping mission at Costco in South San Francisco.

She was somewhat taken aback by what she saw near the exit: cut-rate coffins.

Yep. A Costco experiment for those dealing with the Grim Reaper that began in 2004 in the East has shifted west.

Fittingly, perhaps, this particular Costco branch is located not far from Colma’s cemeteries, where more than 1 million already are interred.

Hey, the smart retail merchant goes where potential business can be readily found.

Order yours HERE

Grateful Dead manager gets five years

A former manager for the Grateful Dead has been sentenced to five years in federal prison for tax evasion, prosecutors said Tuesday.

Ronald Leon Rakow, 69, was ordered to begin his prison term in June for evading payment of $2.2 million in taxes owed to the Internal Revenue Service, the U.S. attorney’s office said.

Rakow was convicted in July of one count of tax evasion. During his two-week trial, prosecutors presented evidence showing Rakow hid his assets to prevent the IRS from collecting taxes dating back to 1985.

Prosecutors said that from 1998 to 2003, Rakow transferred about $5.2 million in income from consulting fees, stock and assets under his control into accounts held in other names. They alleged Rakow directed accountholders to use the funds to pay his expenses.

Rakow had asked for a lighter sentence, but U.S. District Judge Margaret M. Morrow rejected his request. She said he chose to break the law to support his “comfortable lifestyle.”

An after-hours call to Rakow was not immediately returned Tuesday.

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?….DUH!!!!!

Fire destroys longtime Johnny Cash home

Johnny Cash’s longtime lakeside home, a showcase where he wrote much of his famous music and entertained U.S. presidents, music royalty and visiting fans, was destroyed by fire on Tuesday.

Cash and his wife, June Carter Cash, lived in the 13,880-square-foot home from the late 1960s until their deaths in 2003.

“So many prominent things and prominent people in American history took place in that house — everyone from Billy Graham to Bob Dylan went into that house,” said singer Marty Stuart, who lives next door and was married to Cash’s daughter, Cindy, in the 1980s.

Stuart said the man who designed the house, Nashville builder Braxton Dixon, was “the closest thing this part of the country had to Frank Lloyd Wright.”

When Cash moved there, the road was a quiet country lane that skirts Old Hickory Lake. Kris Kristofferson, then an aspiring songwriter, once landed a helicopter on Cash’s lawn to pitch him a song. Roy Orbison was his next-door neighbor for a while.

Parts of the landmark video for Cash’s song “Hurt” was shot inside the house.

“It was a sanctuary and a fortress for him,” Stuart said. “There was a lot of writing that took place there.”

Richard Sterban of the Oak Ridge Boys lives on the same road as Cash. “Maybe it’s the good Lord’s way to make sure that it was only Johnny’s house,” Sterban said.

The property was purchased by Barry Gibb, a former member of the Bee Gees, in January 2006. Gibb and his wife, Linda, had said they planned to restore the home on Old Hickory Lake and hoped to write songs there. They had not yet moved in to the home, which they bought for a reported $2.3 million.

Gibb’s spokesman, Paul Bloch, said the singer and his family are “both saddened and devastated by the news.”

Dixon built the three-story house in 1967 for his own family, but Cash fell in love with it. Dixon was reluctant to sell, but Cash kept after him.

“It was a very, very unusual contemporary structure,” said Cash’s brother, Tommy Cash. “It was built with stone and wood and all kinds of unusual materials, from marble to old barn wood. I don’t think there was a major blueprint. I think the builder was building it the way he wanted it to look.”

The younger Cash said many holidays and family get-togethers were spent at the house. And while Johnny and June also owned a house in Jamaica and a second house in Tennessee, they considered this one to be their home.

“Johnny and June lived there the entire time they were married,” Tommy Cash said. “It was the only house they lived in together until they both passed on.”

The fire, in this suburb about 20 miles northeast of downtown Nashville, started around 1:40 p.m. Fire trucks arrived within five minutes, but the house was already engulfed in flames, Hendersonville Fire Chief Jamie Steele said.

Just a few hours later, there was almost nothing left except stone chimneys.

The cause is unknown, but Steele said the flames spread quickly because construction workers had recently applied a flammable wood preservative to the exterior of the house. The preservative was also being applied inside the house.

No workers were injured, but one firefighter was slightly hurt while fighting the fire, Steele said.

Texans unclear on the concept

‘Jews’ spat on in Holocaust role play

• Role play designed to teach students about the Holocaust
• Students take exercise too far, spitting on “Jews”

A SCHOOL role playing exercise on the Holocaust went horribly wrong when some students took the lesson too far and the “Germans” spat on and punched the “Jews”.

The Academy school in Waxahachie, 50 kilometres south of Dallas, Texas, runs the role play every year to teach year nine students about intolerance and discrimination.

During the role play students tagged as Jews were forced to stand against the wall as the “Germans” passed by the hallway, AP reported. The Jewish students had to pick up everyone’s garbage at lunchtime and were the last to eat.

But students said the exercise got out of hand when the “German” students spat on and hit the “Jewish” students.

“They would spit on them. They would push them down the stairs. They would be really rude,” student Tiffany Zimmerman told AP. “I think it was too rough and over the edge.”

Principal John Aune told a Dallas-Fort Worth television station the point of the lesson was “learning about the problems of intolerance and the problems of discrimination and helping kids understand what some people went through to change the world.”

Mr Aune said the school had run the Holocaust exercise for five years and had never received any reports of violence.

“I think that some of the kids were kind of harsh, but it taught us a little bit about how it was back then,” student Trevor Smith said.

A Clinton Moment

Giuliani is Clueless

Giuliani off the mark on grocery costs

Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani hasn’t done a lot of grocery shopping lately — at least based on his answers about the cost of milk and bread.

Campaigning in Alabama on Tuesday, the former New York City mayor portrayed himself as a fiscal conservative and an aggressive fighter of terrorism who has a lot in common with the Deep South state.

But when asked about more mundane matters — like the price of some basic staples — Giuliani had trouble with a reporter’s question.

“A gallon of milk is probably about a $1.50, a loaf of bread about a $1.25, $1.30,” he said.

A check of the Web site for D’Agostino supermarket on Manhattan’s Upper East Side showed a gallon of milk priced at $4.19 and a loaf of white bread at $2.99 to $3.39. In Montgomery, Ala., a gallon of milk goes for about $3.39 and bread is about $2.

Giuliani was closer to the mark on the price of a gallon of gasoline.

“Gas, I think, is $2.89,” he said

His difficulty with grocery items recalled another Republican’s supermarket run-in. In 1992, President George H.W. Bush expressed amazement at a high-tech supermarket scanner, prompting critics to argue that he was out of touch with average Americans. The White House cried foul, pointing out that during a grocers’ convention Bush had been impressed by a special scanner that could read torn labels.

Giuliani attended $1,000-per-person campaign fundraisers in Mobile and Montgomery before addressing a joint session of the Alabama Legislature that drew an overflow crowd.

Recalling that he worked in the Justice Department in President Reagan’s administration, Giuliani said that like Reagan, he will not change course with the political winds.

“I’ll set a course and stick with it. I’ll be on offense on terrorism. I’ll be a fiscal conservative. I’ll lower taxes. I’ll seek private market solutions to most problems,” he told the Legislature.

The former mayor said he talked to radio host Don Imus, who has been suspended for two weeks for derogatory remarks about the Rutgers women’s basketball team. Giuliani said he considers Imus’ apology sincere.

“I would appear on his program again, sure. I take him at his word,” Giuliani said.

Asked about the flying of the Confederate flag in some Southern states, Giuliani said, “That’s a good thing to be left on a state-by-state basis.”

Giuliani said he did not recall seeing a Confederate flag during his day in Alabama — even though there was a display of four Confederate flags flying beside the Capitol.

The former mayor never mentioned his position on gay rights and abortion that separate him from traditional Republican voters in the state, but he said he would always be straight with voters.

“I will tell you what I believe. If you agree with it, fine. If you don’t agree with it, you have a right not to agree with it. If you don’t agree, you have a right not to vote for me,” he said.