Cheaters Never Win…

Gary thought he was being discrete when he took up with that waitress from the local pub, however his wife Lucy found out and decided that a new paint job was in order for his shiny white Ford.

Postal Worker Charged With Pouring Urine In Co-Workers’ Coffee

AKRON, Ohio — An Ohio postal worker was charged with putting urine in the coffee of his co-workers.

Authorities said the co-workers caught him by setting up a video camera in their break room after they became suspicious.

Thomas Shaheen was charged with two misdemeanor counts of adulteration of food or placing harmful objects in food. He was due in court on Monday.

Shaheen worked as a mechanic for the U.S. Postal Service in Akron. Prosecutors said he was unhappy at work.

His co-workers believed he poured urine into a coffee pot in a break room on July 5 and 6. Authorities said no one was harmed.

Jude Law : I see TINKY TINK !!!

Apparently Jude Law , who recently confessed to cheating on fiancée Sienna Miller with his children’s nanny, was snapped by paparazzi as he changed into his swimming trunks outside the French home of his mother.

The star’s spokesman, Simon Halls, refused to discuss the rumours of Jude’s small package, telling the New York Post newspaper: “Oh, please! The guy is on vacation in France, people need to give him a little bit of a break.”

It was recently revealed the pool table which Jude and his children’s nanny, Daisy Wright, allegedly had sex on is being sold on eBay.

Zookeepers Try To Get Chimpanzee To Stop Smoking

XI’AN, China — The handlers of a smoking chimpanzee in a zoo in northwest China are trying to get her to kick the habit.

The 26-year-old female chimp has been smoking for 15 years. Her mate died recently, which caused her to smoke even more.

Now, the chimp’s keepers are worried about her health as a result of her intense smoking. So, they’re trying to give her milk instead of cigarettes.

The chimp got hooked on cigarettes years ago by picking up cigarette butts left by tourists.

In April, a South African zoo, the Bloemfontein Zoo, announced that it wanted its smoking chimp to go cold turkey. Keepers said Charlie also picked up the habit by watching smoking visitors.

People tossed him the smokes and he puffed away. A zoo official said that Charlie “acts like a naughty schoolboy” and hides his cigarettes when workers are around.

A Gay Viewers Guide – 2005 College Football Season

Since it is almost the season, I thought I’d give you a little look into what one guys IDEA is for watching College Football. “The Boi from Troy” sees things, oh WAY FRICKIN DIFFERENT than I’m used too… Drop by HERE,

You will find him very insightful and you will never look at College Football the same AGAIN…OMG!

The BEST part is , he isn’t ALONE, the notes on the page are a SIGNPOST TO HELL…but its nice the guys have a place where they belong, like say Rock Hudsons house on a saturday afternoon at GAMETIME….

Good Reading…

Reading is Fundamental

The Ex-President Clinton and his Senator wife Hillary seen here reading to inner city youth in the annual (RIF) Reading is Fundamental (back to basics) program sponsored by Playboy Magazine. Glad to know NOTHING changes with these two…

Company Plans Video-Playing Tombstones

A new company plans to unveil new high-tech tombstones with embedded flat screen monitors that would allow visitors to play memorial videos of the deceased, according to a report.

Joe Joachim, who says he wants to be the Walt Disney of the funeral business, plans to unveil the Vidstone this year at the annual funeral directors convention.

“What we’re trying to do is create the ultimate funeral experience,” Joachim said. “Funeral directors are realizing it’s an important service we can offer, and and we’re happy to offer it.”

The solar-powered Vidstone will play a video of the person’s life at the touch of a button.
It will not have speakers but a jack to plug in headphones at cemeteries.

Some cemeteries are open to the Vidstone but others said it could offend people.
“It could be offensive to some. I don’t think it’s appropriate or it’s been tried enough on the grounds.” Mt. Elliott Cemetery Association spokesman Michael Chilcote said.

The report said one of the most popular ways for people to commemorate loved ones is through short films.

The funeral directors convention is held in October in Chicago.

Jennifer Aniston: I see Boobies…

A Really Shitty Day

Contrary to what the title may infer, this post is not about how shitty the news has been lately. It has more to do with the more literal reading of the title, the world it seems is obsessed with stories related to feces .

First, and most shocking, this motherof the year is charged with injecting her toddler son with, yep, you guessed it, feces! It’s not like she was just plain stupid, he used to be a pediatric nurse and should know better, but she didn’t. Stephanie McMullen, 29, was charged with assault and reckless endangerment. Doctors at the hospital where McMullen worked called the police after son had been hospitalized six times since he was 4 months old for “serious, potentially life-threatening illnesses.” During one of the many examinations, doctors found E. coli in the boy’s blood. The doctors determined that the only way this fecal bacteria could have entered the bloodstream was “through injection, not consumption.” That’s a real shitty way to treat your children lady!

Instead of injecting feces, a guy decided to mail it. Michael D. Pickens is being sued for allegedly mailing garbage and even feces to eBay customers who thought they were bidding for clothing. Pickens posted auctions for all sorts of clothing but after customers bid and won, Pickens arranged for the shipment to come from companies that sell industrial rags, unwanted clothing or household items meant for poor countries. In one case, a customer received feces. People need to realize that you don’t always get the most pristine items from an eBay auction, bid with caution, you may end up with crap.

That’s not all, the shitty news continue.

In a slightly more entertaining story, a swim meet was postoned after someone dumped feces into the swimming pool at the competition site. Over 350 young swimmers were scheduled to attend the meet but were forced to go home. Pool manager Steven Duwell said that he spent 4 hours cleaning and treating the pool with chemicals. He believes that about two large plastic bags full of feces, possibly from an animal of some sort, were dumped in pool. That’s a bunch of bullshit!

But feces doesn’t have to be all that bad you know. In Rwanda, human feces powers a prison! In the prison, the prisoners’ feces is converted into methane gas used for cooking. The process requires putting shit into a “digester” which ferments it using bacteria. Fermentation causes methane to be released which is captured and then burned as fuel. The entire system is self-sustaining as long as it is feed with waste and a supply of bacteria. The lead engineer on the project, Ainea Kimaro, says that within 4 weeks, 100 cubic meters of waste can be transformed into 50 cubic meters of fuel. “Our people are very adaptive,” he said. “They see it working; they want to use it.” And it doesn’t stop there in case you were wondering, once the methane is produced, the remaining waste is used as an odor-free fertilizer for the gardens at the prison.

Some prisoners do not have those kinds of luxuries, this guy decided to throw feces instead.

Kaazim Muhammad was sentenced to prison for throwing feces at gaurds. Police said Muhammad threw feces on a corrections officer through the meal slot of his cell door. Muhammad laughed and grinned during the sentencing and laughed as he was being led out of the court. What a shithead.

Instead of just throwing it, these chicks decided to put feces on a pizza instead. Four high school cheerleaders were sent home early from cheerleader camp after allegedly putting human feces on a pizza and trying to frame rival cheerleaders for the deed. I knew cheerleaders were competitive, but damn, don’t be shitty sports.

In case you were wondering where the word “shit” came from, straight from wiki:
Scholars trace the word back to Old Norse origin (skīta), and it is virtually certain that it was used in some form by preliterate Germanic tribes at the time of the Roman Empire. It was originally adopted into Old English as scitte, eventually morphing into Middle English schītte. Shit has cognates in many other Indo-European languages, including Greek, where the cognate root skor, skato- has been borrowed into English and forms the basis of scatology and a host of related technical terms.

The most likely common word for shit in Proto-Indo-European would however probably be *kakka, (Cf. Latin Caca, Anglo-Saxon Cac, German Kacke, Kacken(Pooh, to pooh), OIr Cac(Dung), Greek Kakos(Bad) ). This may indeed be the origin of the term “poppycock” (used as a softer form of “bullshit”), through Dutch.

The variant form shite (rhymes with “kite”) is found in many regional and social dialects, especially in Scotland and Ireland, and is sometimes used in other parts of the world as a less-offensive (at least in intent) form of the word “shit”. A common Irish curse is the phrase Shite and onions!.

Well shite and onions, I had no idea.

iVIBE -WHOOOHOOO lets get physical…

HighJoy, an interactive adult technology company, has partnered with Doc Johnson, the global leader in adult novelties, to revolutionize online dating.

Unlike any other online site, HighJoy.com’s online dating and chat community gives members a way to physically interact, miles apart, using Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled sex toys.

For this historic step in online interaction, Doc Johnson has Internet-enabled two of the company’s most popular adult novelties, the famous Doc Johnson iVibe Rabbit (for women) and the Doc Johnson iVibe Controller with egg and sleeve (for men), making them controllable over the Internet as computer peripheral devices.

HighJoy.com community members can independently control the speed and rotation of another’s Internet-enabled device.

Members with webcams can even watch the effect they are having on their partner for increased interaction. Both devices can also function disconnected from the computer as stand-alone sex toys.

“The HighJoy.com dating community and Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled sex toys give cybersex a new level of sophistication,” says Amir Vatan, president of HighJoy. “A physical interface for direct stimulation control was the inevitable next evolution for online interaction.

By adding the opportunity for discussion and also the ability to watch the reaction of a partner, online interaction can now be real and controlled by the participants.” In celebration of the launch of the HighJoy.com dating community, all membership levels are free-of-charge, for a limited time.

The site includes all traditional features of online dating. Members can post a profile, search profiles, send emails, create favorites, text chat, audio/video chat using a web cam and microphone as well as control the new Internet-enabled peripherals. For monogamous couples, HighJoy created the “One-on-One” membership level.

This membership level allows the couple to privately chat and operate each other’s toys, while ensuring against virtual cheating. (YA CAUSE NO ONE IS GONNA CHEAT WITH THIS DREAM MACHINE…hummmm)

For traveling spouses, long-distance relationships and military personnel away from home, distance constraints will no longer prevent intimacy. OR PERVERTS MAYBE?

Security and privacy have been meticulously designed into HighJoy.com’s community structure.

Members can “Blacklist” bothersome individuals(close your eyes , we know who they are talking about, don’t we), restrict access to risqué profile information and at any time during the consensual remote sessions either participant can disable the remote control of the Internet-enabled sex toy with a click of the mouse on the “Pause / Play” button.

Click HERE and HERE for two of the companies tutorials, and get your checkbook out, cause this stuff has freakshow spelled out in BIG letters all over it….

Doc Johnson HighJoy Enabled products can be purchased at HighJoy.com and other stores that carry Doc Johnson products.