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“If Hillary calls, I’ve been here since Monday.”
— From David Letterman‘s “Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents’ Lunch”

Durst’s Top 10 Comedic News Stories of 2008

From the mind of our Pal, Will Durst:
Okay. Just so you know: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year are as different from the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of the Year as a tarantula infested banana tree is from a small paper bag of locking quarter- inch steel washers painted blue. Other stuff might have had a bigger impact on America and the World, such as an African American guy whose middle name is Hussein winning the Presidency of the United States.
But so far, Mister Agent of Change is about as funny as over the counter ear drops. You can’t mock hope right now. Too much like kicking small whimpering furry things with big eyes. Oh, he’s bound to loosen up after a few weeks getting kicked around on Pennsylvania Avenue, but until then, here are the stories from 08 that were most filled with humorosityness.

10. Proposition 8. Organized religion goes out of its way to guarantee that gays will not be burdened with the right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
9. New York Governor and Emperor’s Club member, Eliot Spitzer. Flies a hooker from New York to DC, because as we all know, there aren’t enough hookers in DC. (535 that I can think of offhand) Gives her 4 grand and puts her up at the Mayflower Hotel. Now, that’s a liberal. A conservative will try to get it for free in an airport men’s room stall. Demonstrating fiscal responsibility.
8. Joe Biden. Has potential to fill gaffe gap being vacated by George Bush. Inserts foot in mouth so often, he should invest in mint- flavored shoelaces.
7. National Political Conventions. James Dobson’s Focus on the Family called for a storm of biblical proportions to disrupt outdoor acceptance speech of Barack Obama on last day of the Democratic Convention. Hurricane Gustav slammed into New Orleans canceling first day of Republican Convention. Proving that either God has a sense of humor or be extremely careful what you ask for.
6. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Gives a bad name to people with bad names. Something about the Springfield Capitol makes it work like a halfway house in reverse. Economy is so bad, Hair Helmet probably offered free shipping with Barack’s Senate seat.
5. The Primaries. 1: Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee raises hand at a New Hampshire Presidential Debate when asked, “who doesn’t believe in evolution?” In May, he explains he is still campaigning because “at this point, its survival of the fittest.”
2: In Philadelphia, Senator Hillary Clinton says “in this race, I am Rocky Balboa.” Obviously forgetting that in first movie, Rocky loses.. To a black guy.
4. President George W. Bush. Lame duck, but a good ducker. International community furious at Muntadhar al Zaidi. Not for trying to hit the President with his size 10s, but because. 1: his aim was bad, and 2: he wasn’t a centipede.
3. Senator John McCain runs worst campaign ever. That includes New Coke, France in 39 and Cloris Leachman on Dancing With the Stars. Doesn’t know how many houses he has. Should do what I do. Every time I get 4 houses, I trade them in for a hotel.
2. The Economy. When everybody in America knows the name of the Secretary of the Treasury, that’s not good. Line of the year courtesy of an anonymous Wall Street broker: “This is worse than a divorce. I’m worth half what I was. and I’m still married.”
1. Governor Sarah Palin. For those destined to go cold turkey on Bush, she is like a dose of methadone. And she’s sticking around. How you going to keep them down in Juneau after they’ve seen Neiman- Marcus?

Political comic, Will Durst, who writes sometimes, expects an even better list in 2009.
official website HERE
CD available HERE

Say Goodnight, Caroline?

How JFK’s daughter flubbed the audition to become the next Senator Kennedy
New York Daily News editorialist, Michael Goodwin believes Caroline Kennedy’s bid for Hillary Clinton’s vacant Senate seat is all but over…
read it HERE

The 2008 MRC Awards

Media Research Center’s annual awards issue, a compilation of the most outrageous and/or humorous news media quotes from 2008 (December 2007 through November 2008). To determine this year’s winners, a panel of 44 radio talk show hosts, magazine editors, columnists, editorial writers, and media observers each selected their choices for the first, second and third best quote from a slate of five to eight quotes in each category. Excerpts:

The Obamagasm Award
“Some princes are born in palaces. Some are born in mangers. But a few are born in the imagination, out of scraps of history and hope.” — Time’s Nancy Gibbs in the November 17 cover story.

Half-Baked Alaska Award for Pummeling Palin
“The fact of the matter is, the comparison between her [Sarah Palin] and Hillary Clinton is the comparison between an igloo and the Empire State Building!” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews on Hardball, October 14.

The Irrelevant Reverend Wright Award
“To see his [Jeremiah Wright’s] career completely destroyed by three 20-second soundbites, all of the work he has done, his entire legacy gone down the drain, has been absolutely devastating to me — to him, sorry….We are still a racist country.” — Washington Post writer Sally Quinn on PBS’s Charlie Rose, April 30.

From Camelot to Obamalot Award
“Today, the audacity of hope had its rendezvous with destiny….Obama is now an adopted son of Camelot. His candidacy blessed not just by the Lion of the Senate, patriarch of the clan, but by JFK’s daughter.” — David Wright on ABC’s Nightline January 28.

The Crush Rush Award for Loathing Limbaugh
Author/humorist P.J. O’Rourke: “It’s the twilight of the radio loud-mouth, you know? I knew it from the moment the fat guy [Rush Limbaugh] refused to share his drugs….”
Host Bill Maher: “You mean the OxyContin that he was on?…Why couldn’t he have croaked from it instead of Heath Ledger?” — HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, February 8.

Politics of Meaninglessness Award for the Silliest Analysis
“Not doing it [fighting global warming] will be catastrophic. We’ll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years, and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals.” — CNN founder Ted Turner on PBS’s Charlie Rose, April 1.

Madness of King George Award
“When somebody asks you, sir, about the cooked books and faked threats you foisted on a sincere and frightened nation; when somebody asks you, sir, about your gallant, noble, self-abnegating sacrifice of your golf game so as to soothe the families of the war dead; this advice, Mr. Bush: Shut the hell up! Good night and good luck.” — MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann in a “Special Comment” on Countdown, May 14.

Barbra Streisand Political IQ Award for Celebrity Vapidity
“If you have a few hundred followers, and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you ‘Pope.’ It’s like, if you can’t pay your mortgage, you’re a deadbeat. But if you can’t pay a million mortgages, you’re Bear Stearns and we bail you out. And that is who the Catholic Church is: the Bear Stearns of organized pedophilia.” — Bill Maher on HBO’s Real Time, April 11.

Admitting the Obvious Award
“When NBC News first assigned me to the Barack Obama campaign, I must confess my knees quaked a bit….I wondered if I was up to the job. I wondered if I could do the campaign justice.”
— NBC reporter Lee Cowan in an article for NBC’s “The Peacock” advertising supplement, March 23-29.

more HERE

Nice Boobies…

He wore down Hillary Clinton and wiped out John McCain, so we knew he had the stomach for a fight.
And this is what it looks like.
more HERE

Most Outrageous Media Comments of 2008

With attacks on autistic children, the poor, and HIV-positive basketball star Magic Johnson, talking heads showed that nobody was safe in 2008, no matter how unfounded and unseemly the smear.
Progressive politicians, particularly Secretary of State-designate Hillary Clinton and President-elect Barack Obama, were also targets. Obama was called everything from a “pussy” (Don Imus), to a “steamy crap sandwich” (Chris Krok). One commentator said Obama “fits the stereotype blacks once labeled as an Oreo — a black on the outside, a white on the inside” (John McLaughlin), while others associated him with the Antichrist (Bill Cunningham, Chris Baker, Brian Sussman, others). Michelle Obama was also targeted, being described, among other things, as “Kim Jong-Il dressed up with a bit of Oprah Winfrey dressing” (Mark Steyn). MSNBC’s Chris Matthews said Clinton’s success is attributable not to her merit, but to the fact that “her husband messed around.”
The list of offenses to women, minorities, gays and lesbians, immigrants, and others in 2008 is a long one, but HERE are some of the standouts

Obama’s Speechwritier Gropes Clinton Cutout

It might have seemed funny during the party. But a photo has surfaced in recent hours of President-elect Barack Obama’s newly-designated chief speechwriter, Jon Favreau, groping a cardboard cutout of the new administration’s newly-designated secretary of state, Hillary Clinton. That’s Favreau on the left in the above photo (the fellow in the Obama staff T-shirt pouring beer in the pretend politician’s mouth is unidentified).
more HERE

Senator Caroline Kennedy?

Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat might be filled by none other than Caroline Kennedy
ABC News report HERE

…we love Caroline

The "that should be me" Look