Peristaltic Action by Michelle Hines

To quote John Waters (2003): “I love work that can horrify me in a new witty way. I have the opposite of contempt for art: I want to see art which causes contempt. If it’s good art, contempt turns into love.”

“Peristaltic Action” by Michelle Hines:

And the accompanying text: “In February 1995, working in conjunction with nutritionists at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, I adopted a super fiber-rich diet which allowed me to successfully produce a single extruded excrement the exact length of my colon: 26 feet.

I documented the extrusion at the Cranbrook-Kingswood High School Bowling Alley, Bloomfield Hills, MI, which offered a length of floor suitable for the process and measuring the results.

The cathartic diet was supplemented by a high intake of Metamucil fiber substance. The weeklong endurance prior to the event was ensured by the employment of a plug specifically designed to curtail any premature excretions.”

Source: Waters, J., & Hainley, B. (2003). Art: A sex book. New York: Thames & Hudson.

Homeland Security addicted to porn

[To keep you safe, your War On Terror pals both produce and enjoy porn]

Homeland Security bureaucrats just look at pornography all day, a startling new government report suggests.

The terror bureaucracy’s internal computer network logged a staggering 65 million security alerts in just 90 days, according to the study (PDF) released today by Homeland Security Department inspector general Dick Skinner.

The DHS computer network is such an ineptly run mess that it’s unknown how many of those 65 million porn alarms are really caused by Homeland Security employees looking at naked pictures.

An expensive network of programs are used to constantly spy on all employee computers, but it all works so poorly that nobody can tell the difference between one cubicle drone looking for “oral sex” pictures or another typing the word “behavioral,” Washington Technology reported today.

What is known for sure is that porn alarms are going off at an explosive rate.

In July 2004, for example, the DHS network was logging 5.4 million “security events” per month. Less than a year later, when Inspector Skinner collected information for his investigation, that number had skyrocketed to 21.6 million per month.

The report concludes that Homeland Security has a laughably vulnerable computer network that is pounded by a steady stream of virus and hacker attacks while DHS employees engage in highly unprofessional and dangerous computer activities.

It’s just the latest embarrassing scandal for the bloated federal agency. Earlier this month, former attorney general John Ashcroft was caught chasing lucrative Homeland Security contracts for his business clients.

The gold standard of Homeland Security corruption remains GOP Congressman Roy Blunt’s incredible stunt of 2003, when he was caught trying to sneak “tobacco-friendly language” into a Homeland Security bill while he was having sex with a lobbyist from tobacco giant Phillip Morris.

Sexy hijacker strikes again

MELBOURNE’S train temptress has struck again.

However police and rail officials have met to plan an end to her saucy crime spree.

The woman broke into a cabin on a peak-hour Frankston train on Tuesday night and broadcast X-rated praise of the driver to stunned commuters.

The husky-voiced intruder is believed to be the serial seductress behind a similar break-in and announcement on the Sandringham line last week.

The trespasser evaded capture by authorities on both occasions.

As her break-in broadcasts become more frequent, longer and more detailed, pressure is building for Connex to catch the profane prankster before more commuters are subject to her sexy speeches.

“There was a woman on the address system. It was very graphic about how she was going to have sex with a driver for about three minutes,” said Angela, a passenger on the Frankston-bound train.

“I thought she was in cahoots with the driver.”

Angela said there were families on board unhappy their children were exposed to the content.

Passengers on the trains during both incidents believed the woman was in the cabin with the driver or was a voice on a 1900 sex call.

The broadcasts are now thought to be the work of a lone female hijacking the PA system in vacant train cabins.

Police are scanning CCTV footage from stations to identify her.

Ticket inspectors have been briefed to be on the lookout for the woman.

“When the train comes to a stop at a station it is easy for them to slip out of the cab and merge with other passengers,” said Connex spokesman Andrew Cassidy said.

Connex yesterday discussed the incidents with Transit Safety Division officers.

Connex has said some people are aware of a weakness that allows them to force their way into vacant cabins and hijack the PA.

They said the flaw would be fixed this year.

Feminal? huh?

Ladies…presenting the Feminal, the portable urinal for women. Because when nature calls and you’re stuck in traffic or find yourselves miles from a rest stop during a road trip, well…you’d be out of luck if you didn’t have the handy Feminal with you. The unique opening creates a sort of suction-like, leak-proof seal when pressed up against your body and can be used sitting, reclining or standing up (though it sounds like you’d have to master some of these tricky positions). And props to the ad team that decided to add that rose to the product shot. Very feminine indeed.

Tune Belt for Ipod

There is no shortage of wearable iPod cases, including ones incorporated into belts, but the TuneBuckle miraculously manages to look non-geeky enough to actually wear. It’s made for the Nano, which is small and thin enough to pass as a normal belt buckle. The key here is that iPod or no iPod, it’s a nice belt, made with quality leather and metal, not the glittery spangly plastic or cheap stretch fabric that most wearable cases are stuck onto. Alright, it’s still quite geeky, but you’d have to get up fairly close to realize that. Looks like sturdy protection for your iPod too. TuneBuckle is available for pre-order for $49.95, in black or white, but sizes start at 30″. Waifs will have to wear their Nano at the hip.

Fake Winning Lottery Tickets

The perfect prank, FAKE WINNING LOTTO TICKETS right HERE.

NERD TATTOOS

Check out some real “classics” right HERE.

AA Comics 1968-1974

Some classic vintage comics from the late 1960s HERE.

Classy Man Classy Outfit…

Sea Monkey Inspired Art Show

DON’T MISS this online art show!