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Durst’s Top 10 Comedic News Stories of 2008

From the mind of our Pal, Will Durst:
Okay. Just so you know: the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year are as different from the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of the Year as a tarantula infested banana tree is from a small paper bag of locking quarter- inch steel washers painted blue. Other stuff might have had a bigger impact on America and the World, such as an African American guy whose middle name is Hussein winning the Presidency of the United States.
But so far, Mister Agent of Change is about as funny as over the counter ear drops. You can’t mock hope right now. Too much like kicking small whimpering furry things with big eyes. Oh, he’s bound to loosen up after a few weeks getting kicked around on Pennsylvania Avenue, but until then, here are the stories from 08 that were most filled with humorosityness.

10. Proposition 8. Organized religion goes out of its way to guarantee that gays will not be burdened with the right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
9. New York Governor and Emperor’s Club member, Eliot Spitzer. Flies a hooker from New York to DC, because as we all know, there aren’t enough hookers in DC. (535 that I can think of offhand) Gives her 4 grand and puts her up at the Mayflower Hotel. Now, that’s a liberal. A conservative will try to get it for free in an airport men’s room stall. Demonstrating fiscal responsibility.
8. Joe Biden. Has potential to fill gaffe gap being vacated by George Bush. Inserts foot in mouth so often, he should invest in mint- flavored shoelaces.
7. National Political Conventions. James Dobson’s Focus on the Family called for a storm of biblical proportions to disrupt outdoor acceptance speech of Barack Obama on last day of the Democratic Convention. Hurricane Gustav slammed into New Orleans canceling first day of Republican Convention. Proving that either God has a sense of humor or be extremely careful what you ask for.
6. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Gives a bad name to people with bad names. Something about the Springfield Capitol makes it work like a halfway house in reverse. Economy is so bad, Hair Helmet probably offered free shipping with Barack’s Senate seat.
5. The Primaries. 1: Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee raises hand at a New Hampshire Presidential Debate when asked, “who doesn’t believe in evolution?” In May, he explains he is still campaigning because “at this point, its survival of the fittest.”
2: In Philadelphia, Senator Hillary Clinton says “in this race, I am Rocky Balboa.” Obviously forgetting that in first movie, Rocky loses.. To a black guy.
4. President George W. Bush. Lame duck, but a good ducker. International community furious at Muntadhar al Zaidi. Not for trying to hit the President with his size 10s, but because. 1: his aim was bad, and 2: he wasn’t a centipede.
3. Senator John McCain runs worst campaign ever. That includes New Coke, France in 39 and Cloris Leachman on Dancing With the Stars. Doesn’t know how many houses he has. Should do what I do. Every time I get 4 houses, I trade them in for a hotel.
2. The Economy. When everybody in America knows the name of the Secretary of the Treasury, that’s not good. Line of the year courtesy of an anonymous Wall Street broker: “This is worse than a divorce. I’m worth half what I was. and I’m still married.”
1. Governor Sarah Palin. For those destined to go cold turkey on Bush, she is like a dose of methadone. And she’s sticking around. How you going to keep them down in Juneau after they’ve seen Neiman- Marcus?

Political comic, Will Durst, who writes sometimes, expects an even better list in 2009.
official website HERE
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Nice Boobies…

He wore down Hillary Clinton and wiped out John McCain, so we knew he had the stomach for a fight.
And this is what it looks like.
more HERE

Wicked Witch of the Northwest Book Deal

She failed to save John McCain from presidential election doom, but Sarah Palin, the Republican senator’s controversial running mate, may yet emerge as the savior of the American publishing industry. Literary agents are queuing up to sign her to a book deal that could earn her up to $7 million.
more HERE

…let’s see if we got this straight…the woman who wanted to BURN books…is going to write a book?

Studio 33 Rocks

The Politics of South Park

“South Park” co-creator Trey Parker was elated when he heard the news Tuesday night that Barack Obama had won the presidency. That’s not because he bought into Obama’s promises for change, or because he dislikes John McCain.
Parker was crossing his fingers for an Obama victory because he wrote and directed an episode of “South Park,” which aired Wednesday night, based on the premise that the Democratic candidate had won the night before. If the results had flipped, Parker says they would have aired the episode anyway, and later dealt with their own “Dewey defeats Truman” moment.
watch HERE

Secret Service Report on Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin’s attacks on Barack Obama’s patriotism provoked a spike in death threats against the future president, Secret Service agents revealed during the final weeks of the campaign.
Palin’s attacks provoked a near lynch mob atmosphere at her rallies, with supporters yelling “terrorist” and “kill him” until the McCain campaign ordered her to tone down the rhetoric.
But it has now emerged that her demagogic tone encouraged white supremacists to go even further.
story is HERE

Stupidity Is Dangerous!

The Numbers

Since September 1, 2008 Google has been tracking the top campaign-related queries and posted some telling results.
Top Political Personas

1. Obama
2. Palin
3. McCain
4. Tina Fey
5. Joe Biden
6. Chuck Norris
7. Cindy McCain
8. Bristol Palin
9. SNL Palin
10. Colin Powell

more HERE

The Real McCain

Last night the United States celebrated a historic event in the election of Barack Obama for president.
Mr. Obama’s opponent, Senator John McCain appeared before a large crowd in his home state of Arizona and gave one of the most gracious concession speeches of all time.
In our opinion, this was the real John McCain; this was the John McCain that we all remember from his 2000 run for president; this was the John McCain we respect; the American hero.
Anyone who heard Senator McCain deliver this speech had to realize that it was heartfelt…he really meant it, unlike the John McCain we witnessed during the final stretch of his campaign.
It seemed that a burden had been lifted from Mr. McCains’ shoulders; that he could now speak freely and express his true feelings instead of the scripted smears his so-called advisers had him deliver.
We predict that John McCain will be offered a position on Mr. Obama’s staff or possibly a cabinet position; it falls into the notion that Barack Obama is pragmatic and a student of the Lincoln presidency that John McCain has so often involked.
more HERE
trascript HERE

The Last Campaign Stop