Britney Spears and Paris Hilton out on the town…

ZIT POPPING VIDEO

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Radiation: The Perfect Holiday Gift

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CLASSIC TV CATCH PHRASES…

_”Aaay” (Fonzie, “Happy Days”)

_”And that’s the way it is” (Walter Cronkite, “CBS Evening News”)

_”Ask not what your country can do for you …” (John F. Kennedy)

_”Baby, you’re the greatest” (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, “The Honeymooners”)

_”Bam!” (Emeril Lagasse, “Emeril Live”)

_”Book ’em, Danno” (Steve McGarrett, “Hawaii Five-O”)

_”Come on down!” (Johnny Olson, “The Price is Right”)

_”Danger, Will Robinson” (Robot, “Lost in Space”)

_”De plane! De plane!” (Tattoo, “Fantasy Island”)

_”Denny Crane” (Denny Crane, “Boston Legal”)

_”Do you believe in miracles?” (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)

_”D’oh!” (Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”)

_”Don’t make me angry …” (David Banner, “The Incredible Hulk”)

_”Dyn-o-mite” (J.J., “Good Times”)

_”Elizabeth, I’m coming!” (Fred Sanford, “Sanford and Son”)

_”Gee, Mrs. Cleaver …” (Eddie Haskell, “Leave it to Beaver”)

_”God’ll get you for that” (Maude, “Maude”)

_”Good grief” (Charlie Brown, “Peanuts” specials)

_”Good night, and good luck” (Edward R. Murrow, “See It Now”)

_”Good night, John Boy” (“The Waltons”)

_”Have you no sense of decency?” (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)

_”Heh heh” (Beavis and Butt-head, “Beavis and Butthead”)

_”Here it is, your moment of Zen” (Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show”)

_”Here’s Johnny!” (Ed McMahon, “The Tonight Show”)

_”Hey now!” (Hank Kingsley, “The Larry Sanders Show”)

_”Hey hey hey!” (Dwayne Nelson, “What’s Happening!!”)

_”Hey hey hey!” (Fat Albert, “Fat Albert”)

_”Holy (whatever), Batman!” (Robin, “Batman”)

_”Holy crap!” (Frank Barone, “Everybody Loves Raymond”)

_”Homey don’t play that!” (Homey the Clown, “In Living Color”)

_”How sweet it is!” (Jackie Gleason, “The Jackie Gleason Show”)

_”How you doin’?” (Joey Tribbiani, “Friends”)

_”I can’t believe I ate the whole thing” (Alka Seltzer ad)

_”I know nothing!” (Sgt. Schultz, “Hogan’s Heroes”)

_”I love it when a plan comes together” (Hannibal, “The A-Team”)

_”I want my MTV!” (MTV ad)

_”I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl …” (Larry, “Newhart”)

_”I’m not a crook …” (Richard Nixon)

_”I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV” (Vicks Formula 44 ad)

_”I’m Rick James, bitch!” (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, “Chappelle’s Show”)

_”Is that your final answer?” (Regis Philbin, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”)

_”It keeps going and going and going …” (Energizer Batteries ad)

_”It takes a licking …” (Timex ad)

_”Jane, you ignorant slut” (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”Just one more thing …” (Columbo, “Columbo”)

_”Let’s be careful out there” (Sgt. Esterhaus, “Hill Street Blues”)

_”Let’s get ready to rumble!” (Michael Buffer, various sports events)

_”Live long and prosper” (Spock, “Star Trek”)

_”Makin’ whoopie” (Bob Eubanks, “The Newlywed Game”)

_”Mom always liked you best” (Tommy Smothers, “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”)

_”Never assume …” (Felix Unger, “The Odd Couple”)

_”Nip it!” (Barney Fife, “The Andy Griffith Show”)

_”No soup for you!” (The Soup Nazi, “Seinfeld“)

_”Norm!” (“Cheers”)

_”Now cut that out!” (Jack Benny, “The Jack Benny Program”)

_”Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!” (Stan and Kyle, “South Park”)

_”Oh, my nose!” (Marcia Brady, “The Brady Bunch”)

_”One small step for man …” (Neil Armstrong)

_”Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?” (Grey Poupon ad)

_”Read my lips: No new taxes!” (George H.W. Bush)

_”Resistance is futile” (Picard as Borg, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”)

_”Say good night, Gracie” (George Burns, “The Burns & Allen Show”)

_”Schwing!” (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy” (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)

_”Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids” (Trix cereal ad)

_”Smile, you’re on ‘Candid Camera'” (“Candid Camera”)

_”Sock it to me” (“Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In”)

_”Space, the final frontier …” (Capt. Kirk, “Star Trek”)

_”Stifle!” (Archie Bunker, “All in the Family”)

_”Suit up!” (Barney Stinson, “How I Met Your Mother”)

_”Tastes great! Less filling!” (Miller Lite beer ad)

_”Tell me what you don’t like about yourself” (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, “Nip/Tuck”)

_”That’s hot” (Paris Hilton, “The Simple Life”)

_”The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat” (Jim McKay, “ABC’s Wide World of Sports”)

_”The tribe has spoken” (Jeff Probst, “Survivor”)

_”The truth is out there” (Fox Mulder, “The X-Files”)

_”This is the city …” (Sgt. Joe Friday, “Dragnet”)

_”Time to make the donuts” (“Dunkin’ Donuts” ad)

_”Two thumbs up” (Siskel & Ebert, “Siskel & Ebert”)

_”Up your nose with a rubber hose” (Vinnie Barbarino, “Welcome Back, Kotter”)

_”We are two wild and crazy guys!” (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”Welcome to the O.C., bitch” (Luke, “The O.C.”)

_”Well, isn’t that special?” (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”We’ve got a really big show!” (Ed Sullivan, “The Ed Sullivan Show”)

_”Whassup?” (Budweiser ad)

_”What you see is what you get!” (Geraldine, “The Flip Wilson Show”)

_”Whatchoo talkin”bout, Willis?” (Arnold Drummond, “Diff’rent Strokes”)

_”Where’s the beef?” (Wendy’s ad)

_”Who loves you, baby?” (Kojak, “Kojak”)

_”Would you believe?” (Maxwell Smart, “Get Smart”)

_”Yabba dabba do!” (Fred Flintstone, “The Flintstones”)

_”Yada, yada, yada” (“Seinfeld”)

_”Yeah, that’s the ticket” (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”You eeeediot!” (Ren, “Ren & Stimpy”)

_”You look mahvelous!” (Billy Crystal as Fernando, “Saturday Night Live”)

_”You rang?” (Lurch, “The Addams Family”)

_”You’re fired!” (Donald Trump, “The Apprentice”)

_”You’ve got spunk …” (Lou Grant, “The Mary Taylor Moore Show”)

A Rick James Moment…

Super Freak

She’s a very kinky girl
The kind you don’t take home to mother
She will never let your spirits down
Once you get her off the street, ow girl

She likes the boys in the band
She says that I’m her all-time favorite
When I make my move to her room it’s the right time
She’s never hard to please

(Refrain)
That girl is pretty wild now
The girl’s a super freak
The kind of girl you read about
In new-wave magazine
That girl is pretty kinky
The girl’s a super freak
I really love to taste her
Every time we meet
She’s all right, she’s all right
That girl’s all right with me, yeah
She’s a super freak, super freak
She’s super-freaky, yow

Super freak, super freak

She’s a very special girl
The kind of girl you want to know
From her head down to her toenails
Down to her feet, yeah
And she’ll wait for me at backstage with her girlfriends
In a limousine
Going back in Chinatown

Three’s not a crowd to her, she says
Room 714, I’ll be waiting
When I get there she’s got incense, wine and candles
It’s such a freaky scene

(Refrain)

(Bridge)

Temptations sing!
Ohhhhh
Super freak, super freak
That girl’s a super freak
Ohhhhh

She’s a very kinky girl
The kind you don’t take home to mother
She will never let your spirits down
Once you get her off the street, ow girl

A View of Conflict

See…I’m not gay…

How Americans are living dangerously…

It would be a lot easier to enjoy your life if there weren’t so many things trying to kill you every day.

The problems start even before you’re fully awake. There’s the fall out of bed that kills 600 Americans each year. There’s the early-morning heart attack, which is 40 percent more common than those that strike later in the day.

There’s the fatal plunge down the stairs, the bite of sausage that gets lodged in your throat, the tumble on the slippery sidewalk as you leave the house, the high-speed automotive pinball game that is your daily commute.

Shadowed by peril as we are, you would think we’d get pretty good at distinguishing the risks likeliest to do us in from the ones that are statistical long shots. But you would be wrong.

We agonize over avian flu, which to date has killed precisely no one in the United States, but have to be cajoled into getting vaccinated for the common flu, which contributes to the deaths of 36,000 Americans each year.

We wring our hands over the mad cow pathogen that might be (but almost certainly isn’t) in our hamburger and worry far less about the cholesterol that contributes to the heart disease that kills 700,000 of us annually.

We pride ourselves on being the only species that understands the concept of risk, yet we have a confounding habit of worrying about mere possibilities while ignoring probabilities, building barricades against perceived dangers while leaving ourselves exposed to real ones.

Shoppers still look askance at a bag of spinach for fear of E. coli bacteria while filling their carts with fat-sodden French fries and salt-crusted nachos. We put filters on faucets, install air ionizers in our homes and lather ourselves with antibacterial soap.

“We used to measure contaminants down to the parts per million,” says Dan McGinn, a former Capitol Hill staff member and now a private risk consultant. “Now it’s parts per billion.”

At the same time, 20 percent of all adults still smoke; nearly 20 percent of drivers and more than 30 percent of backseat passengers don’t use seat belts; two-thirds of us are overweight or obese.

We dash across the street against the light and build our homes in hurricane-prone areas — and when they’re demolished by a storm, we rebuild in the same spot.

Sensible calculation of real-world risks is a multidimensional math problem that sometimes seems entirely beyond us. And while it may be true that it’s something we’ll never do exceptionally well, it’s almost certainly something we can learn to do better.
Dread skews response

Which risks get excessive attention and which get overlooked depends on a hierarchy of factors. Perhaps the most important is dread.

For most creatures, all death is created pretty much equal. Whether you’re eaten by a lion or drowned in a river, your time on the savanna is over. That’s not the way humans see things.

The more pain or suffering something causes, the more we tend to fear it; the cleaner or at least quicker the death, the less it troubles us. The more we dread, the more anxious we get, and the more anxious we get, the less precisely we calculate the odds of the thing actually happening.

The same is true for, say, AIDS, which takes you slowly, compared with a heart attack, which can kill you in seconds, despite the fact that heart disease claims nearly 50 times as many Americans than AIDS each year.

We also dread catastrophic risks, those that cause the deaths of a lot of people in a single stroke, as opposed to those that kill in a chronic, distributed way.

Unfamiliar threats are similarly scarier than familiar ones. The next E. coli outbreak is unlikely to shake you up as much as the previous one, and any that follow will trouble you even less.

In some respects, this is a good thing, particularly if the initial reaction was excessive. But it’s also unavoidable given our tendency to habituate to any unpleasant stimulus, from pain and sorrow to a persistent car alarm.

The problem with habituation is that it can also lead us to go to the other extreme, worrying not too much but too little. September 11 and Hurricane Katrina brought calls to build impregnable walls against such tragedies ever occurring again.

But despite the vows, both New Orleans and the nation’s security apparatus remain dangerously leaky.

“People call these crises wake-up calls,” says Dr. Irwin Redlener, associate dean of the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University and director of the National Center for Disaster Preparedness.

“But they’re more like snooze alarms. We get agitated for a while, and then we don’t follow through.”

Troy Gentry Pleads Guilty to Bear Charge

Troy Lee Gentry pleaded guilty Monday to a misdemeanor charge of falsely registering a captive bear as being killed in the wild.

Under the plea, the 39-year-old country singer agreed to pay a $15,000 fine, give up hunting, fishing and trapping in Minnesota for five years, and forfeit both the bear’s hide and the bow he used to shoot the animal in 2004. The bear, named “Cubby,” was killed in a 3-acre private enclosure.

The plea meant Gentry avoided a trial, which had been scheduled to start Monday.

Gentry, of Franklin, Tenn., declined to comment to the Star Tribune of Minneapolis as he left the courthouse.

Ron Meshbesher, his attorney, said Gentry pleaded guilty to “a simple charge having to do with improper tagging (of a game animal), and that’s all it ever was.”

Lee Marvin Greenly, 46, Gentry’s local hunting guide, pleaded guilty at the same hearing to two felony charges of helping other hunters shoot bears at illegal baiting stations he maintained inside a national wildlife refuge near Sandstone in east-central Minnesota.

Greenly faces a maximum prison sentence of five years for each count, forfeiture of all-terrain vehicles he and employees used to reach the bait stations, and a maximum fine of $400,000.

Gentry told the court he bought the bear from Greenly with the understanding they would videotape a hunt inside the bear’s enclosure, which was surrounded by an electric fence.

“Lee and I made a deal about harvesting this bear,” Gentry testified. They also agreed to report it was killed in the wild 6 miles east of Sandstone instead of on Greenly’s property south of the town.

U.S. District Judge Paul Magnuson ordered a pre-sentence investigation for both Gentry and Greenly and told them to appear for sentencing at a date to be announced later, or risk an additional charge.

In exchange for Gentry’s plea, federal prosecutors dropped a felony charge of violating the Lacey Act, which authorities said bans possessing or transporting illegally obtained wildlife.

Gentry and Eddie Montgomery are the country singing duo Montgomery Gentry. Their hits include “My Town” and “If You Ever Stop Loving Me.”

Farting as Art

Special thanks to our friends at burningfarts.com