Porn Star Interview No-No’s

…not a microphone

It’s AVN season, the time when porn stars dress up in their finest PVC attire and compete for awards in categories such “Best All-Girl 3-Way Sex Scene.” Offered here are some pointers on how to keep your foot out of your mouth when faced with your favorite porn stars. Read on to find out 10 things you should never say to a porn star.

10. You’re too pretty to do porn. (So, you’re saying you would prefer to watch ugly people f*ck?)
9. Your vagina must be really worn out. (Mine isn’t nearly as bad as your mother’s after pushing such a giant idiot like you out of it.)
8. I would never watch porn. I think it is degrading to women. (Then how did you know my name? And my measurements? And my astrological sign? And my birthdate?)
7. How do I get my girlfriend/wife to do ________? (Ask her, not me. By the way, talking to me in the first place is not helping your cause.)
6. Wow! You’re so much prettier/younger/thinner in your photos. (Obviously your mother didn’t teach you anything and it is called Photoshop.)
5. I pleasured myself to you 10 times this week! (OK, I didn’t need to know precisely how pathetic you are. And stop trying to shake my hand. I now unfortunately know exactly where it has been.)
4. I could do porn. (No, you couldn’t. If you could, you already would be … and no, I will NOT audition you!)
3. Are those yours? (Well, I paid for them.)
2. Do you think you are going to hell? (Discussing religion with a porn star will get you as far as discussing porn with your grandmother … just don’t try it.)
1. I wanna take you out on a “real” date. ( I did not realize all my other ones were imaginary.)