MAD MEL IN MALIBU: Just the Facts

Mel Gibson went on a rampage when he was arrested Friday on suspicion of drunk driving, hurling religious epithets. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s department had the initial report doctored to keep the real story under wraps.

According to the four pages of the original report prepared by the arresting officer in the case, L.A. County Sheriff’s Deputy James Mee. According to the report, Gibson became agitated after he was stopped on Pacific Coast Highway and told he was to be detained for drunk driving Friday morning in Malibu. The actor began swearing uncontrollably. Gibson repeatedly said, “My life is f****d.” Law enforcement sources say the deputy, worried that Gibson might become violent, told the actor that he was supposed to cuff him but would not, as long as Gibson cooperated. As the two stood next to the hood of the patrol car, the deputy asked Gibson to get inside. Deputy Mee then walked over to the passenger door and opened it. The report says Gibson then said, “I’m not going to get in your car,” and bolted to his car. The deputy quickly subdued Gibson, cuffed him and put him inside the patrol car.

Deputy Mee audiotaped the entire exchange between himself and Gibson, from the time of the traffic stop to the time Gibson was put in the patrol car, and that the tape fully corroborates the written report.

Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, “You mother f****r. I’m going to f*** you.” The report also says “Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he ‘owns Malibu’ and will spend all of his money to ‘get even’ with me.”

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: “F*****g Jews… The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.” Gibson then asked the deputy, “Are you a Jew?”

The deputy became alarmed as Gibson’s tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?”

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”

We’re told Gibson took two blood alcohol tests, which were videotaped, and continued saying how “f****d” he was and how he was going to “f***” Deputy Mee.

Gibson was put in a cell with handcuffs on. He said he needed to urinate, and after a few minutes tried manipulating his hands to unzip his pants. Sources say Deputy Mee thought Gibson was going to urinate on the floor of the booking cell and asked someone to take Gibson to the bathroom.

After leaving the bathroom, Gibson then demanded to make a phone call. He was taken to a pay phone and, when he didn’t get a dial tone, we’re told Gibson threw the receiver against the phone. Deputy Mee then warned Gibson that if he damaged the phone he could be charged with felony vandalism. We’re told Gibson was then asked, and refused, to sign the necessary paperwork and was thrown in a detox cell.

Deputy Mee then wrote an eight-page report detailing Gibson’s rampage and comments. Sources say the sergeant on duty felt it was too “inflammatory.” A lieutenant and captain then got involved and calls were made to Sheriff’s headquarters. Sources say Mee was told Gibson’s comments would incite a lot of “Jewish hatred,” that the situation in Israel was “way too inflammatory.” It was mentioned several times that Gibson, who wrote, directed, and produced 2004’s “The Passion of the Christ,” had incited “anti-Jewish sentiment” and “For a drunk driving arrest, is this really worth all that?”

We’re told Deputy Mee was then ordered to write another report, leaving out the incendiary comments and conduct. Sources say Deputy Mee was told the sanitized report would eventually end up in the media and that he could write a supplemental report that contained the redacted information — a report that would be locked in the watch commander’s safe.

Initially, a Sheriff’s official said the arrest occurred “without incident.” On Friday night, Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore stated: “The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department investigation into the arrest of Mr. Gibson on suspicion of driving under the influence will be complete and will contain every factual piece of evidence. Nothing will be sanitized. There was absolutely no favoritism shown to this suspect or any other. When this file is presented to the Los Angeles County District Attorney, it will contain everything. Nothing will be left out.”

On Saturday, Gibson released the following statement:

“After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the LA County Sheriffs. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person. I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health.”

See the arrest report right HERE.

PBS gets all ANAL…

Although she believed she had put the incident firmly, er, behind her, PBS Kids Sprout spinoff network has fired Melanie Martinez from her job hosting their end-of-day The Good Night Show. The hostess with the mostest was terminated after a clip of her role in a seven-year-old satirical short film Technical Virgin hit the internet. The topic of said clip? Avoiding teen pregnancy by engaging in anal sex. Good night, indeed!

The Good Night Show featured Melanie Martinez introducing children’s programs such as Thomas the Train, Dragon Tales and Bob the Builder and was designed as a way to help her young audience wind down and get into bed. (Yes, the same can be said for sodomy). And much like anal sex, the show had become wildly popular among America’s youth and bored fathers.

Network President Sandy Wax (whose name alone sounds like bad sex) claims, “the dialogue in this video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character’s credibility with our audience.” That’s right, this 30-second video clip could shatter children’s illusion that Melanie is a babysitter whose best friend is an increasingly drowsy sentinent star-shaped pillow. Is nothing sacred anymore? Don’t today’s youth deserve to preserve their sodomous innocence until they’re fully-grown, in a relationship, and slightly drunker than usual?

The short that caused all the controversy, Technical Virgin , pokes fun at a growing sensitive area for conservatives. Over the past decade, with an increase in abstinence-only sex-ed programs being taught to America’s youth, more and more teenagers are experimenting with sodomy at younger ages in place of conventional sex. (It should be noted that “experimenting” requires extensive testing and re-testing before proving a hypothesis. So while our society’s daughters may be growing into a generation of unbridled sluts, at least America’s sons, who have in recent years scored quite poorly on science testing, are gaining meticulous, hands-on familiarty with the scientific method).

While Melanie Martinez does seem to have her finger on the pulsing taint of America’s youth, unfortunately, the only discernable similarities between The Good Night Show and back-alley buggery are Martinez’s impromptu yoga poses, the show’s slow, repetitive pacing, and a character named “Hush.”

Although it’s apparently been yanked off of Youtube, there is another parody clip in which Martinez instructs young viewers how to avoid the dangers of sex by using a vibrator, which, admittedly, probably would be inappropriate for a little girl between the ages three and five.

In honor of all her painful work and commitment to bettering today’s youth, we would like to honor Melanie by naming “The Dirty Martinez” after her. “The Dirty Martinez” is when you and your child are watching quality, educational programming, and then all of the sudden an overly zealous, conservative douche busts through the door waving around vibrators and talking about buttfucking.

Like most young women who discuss anal in a professional medium, Martinez considers herself an actress and is currently looking for paying work.

See the video HERE.

Gardening Tools for 200 Alex…

See it HERE.

Creepy Creepy Creepy

In this photo provided by Madame Tussauds, the new wax figures of actors Angelina Jolie, left, and Brad Pitt, right, with their infant daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie Pitt are unveiled in New York on Wednesday, July 26, 2006.

I can’t see Grandpa Voight anywhere in the scene?

And where are the other TWO KIDS?

Freakshow at the Wax Museum?

Lindsay Lohan in Trouble AGAIN…

Lactivists: Where is it OK to breastfeed?

The cover featured above of Babytalk incited more than 700 letters to the editor, a record for the magazine.

“I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine,” one person wrote. “I immediately turned the magazine face down,” wrote another. “Gross,” said a third.

These readers weren’t complaining about a sexually explicit cover, but rather one of a baby nursing, on a wholesome parenting magazine — yet another sign that Americans are squeamish over the sight of a nursing breast, even as breast-feeding itself gains more support from the government and medical community.

Babytalk is a free magazine whose readership is overwhelmingly mothers of babies. Yet in a poll of more than 4,000 readers, a quarter of responses to the cover were negative, calling the photo — a baby and part of a woman’s breast, in profile — inappropriate.

One mother who didn’t like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it.

“I shredded it,” said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. “A breast is a breast — it’s a sexual thing. He didn’t need to see that.”

It’s the same reason that Ash, 41, who nursed all three of her children, is cautious about breast-feeding in public — a subject of enormous debate among women, which has even spawned a new term: “lactivists,” meaning those who advocate for a woman’s right to nurse wherever she needs to.

“I’m totally supportive of it — I just don’t like the flashing,” she said. “I don’t want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn’t want to see.”

Another mother, Kelly Wheatley, wrote Babytalk to applaud the cover, precisely because, she said, it helps educate people that breasts are more than sex objects. And yet Wheatley, 40, who’s still nursing her 3-year-old daughter, rarely breast-feeds in public, partly because it’s more comfortable in the car, and partly because her husband is uncomfortable with other men seeing her breast.

“Men are very visual,” said Wheatley, of Amarillo, Texas. “When they see a woman’s breast, they see a breast — regardless of what it’s being used for.”

Babytalk editor Susan Kane says the mixed response to the cover clearly echoes the larger debate over breast-feeding in public. “There’s a huge Puritanical streak in Americans,” she said, “and there’s a squeamishness about seeing a body part — even part of a body part.”

“It’s not like women are whipping them out with tassels on them,” she added. “Mostly, they are trying to be discreet.”

Kane said that since the August issue came out last week, the magazine has received more than 700 letters — more than for any article in years.

“Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob,” wrote Lauren, a mother of a 4-month-old.

The evidence of public discomfort isn’t just anecdotal. In a survey published in 2004 by the American Dietetic Association, less than half — 43 percent — of 3,719 respondents said women should have the right to breast-feed in public places.

The debate rages at a time when the celebrity-mom phenomenon has made breast-feeding perhaps more public than ever. Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields, Kate Hudson and Kate Beckinsale are only a few of the stars who’ve talked openly about their nursing experiences.

The celeb factor has even brought a measure of chic to that unsexiest of garments: the nursing bra. Gwen Stefani can be seen on babyrazzi.com — a site with a self-explanatory name — sporting a leopard-print version from lingerie line Agent Provocateur.

And fellow moms recognized a white one under Angelina Jolie’s tank top on the cover of People. (Katie Holmes, meanwhile, suffered a maternity wardrobe malfunction when cameras caught her, nursing bra open and peeking out of her shirt, while on the town with fiance Tom Cruise.)

More seriously, the social and medical debate has intensified. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recently concluded a two-year breast-feeding awareness campaign including a TV ad — criticized as over-the-top even by some breast-feeding advocates — in which not breast-feeding was equated with the recklessness of a pregnant woman riding a mechanical bull.

There have been other measures to promote breast-feeding: In December, for example, Massachusetts banned hospitals from giving new mothers gift bags with free infant formula, a practice opponents said swayed some women away from nursing.

Most states now have laws guaranteeing the right to breast-feed where one chooses, and when a store or restaurant employee denies a woman that right, it has often resulted in public protests known as “nurse-ins”: at a Starbucks in Miami, Florida, at Victoria’s Secret stores in Racine, Wisconsin, and Boston, Massachusetts, and, last year, outside ABC headquarters in New York, when Barbara Walters made comments on “The View” seen by some women to denigrate breast-feeding in public.

“It’s a new age,” says Melinda Johnson, a registered dietitian and spokesperson for ADA. “With the government really getting behind breast-feeding, it’s been a jumping-off point for mothers to be politically active. Mommies are organizing. It’s a new trend to be a mommy activist.”

Ultimately, it seems to be a highly personal matter. Caly Wood said she’s “all for breast-feeding in public.” She recalls with a shudder the time she sat nursing in a restaurant booth, and another woman walked by, glanced over and said, “Ugh, gross.”

“My kid needed to eat,” said the 29-year-old from South Abingdon, Massachusetts. And she wasn’t going to go hide in a not-so-clean restroom: “I don’t send people to the bathroom when they want to eat,” she said.

But Rebekah Kreutz thinks differently. One of six women who author SisterhoodSix, a blog on mothering issues, Kreutz didn’t nurse her two daughters in public and doesn’t really feel comfortable seeing others do it.

“I respect it and think women have the right,” says Kreutz, 34, of Bozeman, Montana. “But personally, it makes me really uncomfortable.”

“I just think it’s one of those moments that should stay between a mother and her child.”

PERSONALLY….I THINK IT’S HOT HOT HOT…!!!!!!

Food Network Chefs Caught in the Act

Ever have a meal so good that you thought it was better than sex?

Well, the August issue of Details on newsstands now features a hysterical quiz which asks to see if you can tell which picture depicts a Food Network chef in a state of culinary ecstasy and which is a porn star in the middle of, er, a different type of ecstasy.

Is that Rachael Ray having a marinara meltdown or just a triple X starlet in the midst of paying her rent with her mouth OPEN?

From the “Barefoot Contessa” to the “Everyday Italian,” check out Details for the answers to who’s really cooking in the kitchen.

"MASTER" PIECES

THE daughter of “Masterpiece Theater” host Alistair Cooke says she still suffers nightmares over the desecration of her dad’s remains through an illegal multimillion dollar body-parts ring. “It’s been a terrible time because daddy’s legs were cut off,” Susan Cooke Kittredge tells London’s Daily Mail. “I’ve had nightmares of opening a door and seeing him with his head at the level of my waist.” New York Mortuary in Manhattan allegedly hacked out Cooke’s bones in 2004 and sold them for $7,000 without permission from Cooke’s family, prosecutors say. Cooke died of cancer at 95, but his forged death certificate said he died at 85 from heart failure.

Smile Smile Smile

Lance Bass of `N Sync Reveals He’s Gay

Lance Bass, band member of ‘N Sync, says he’s gay and in a “very stable” relationship with a reality show star. Bass, who formed ‘N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn’t earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn’t want to affect the group’s popularity.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” he tells the magazine.

‘N Sync is known for a string of hits including “Bye Bye Bye” and “It’s Gonna Be Me.” The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt “the end of ‘N Sync.” He explains, “So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it’s bad.’ So I just never did.”

The singer says he’s in a “very stable” relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS'”Amazing Race.”

Bass and Fatone, 29, are developing a sitcom pilot inspired by the screwball comedy “The Odd Couple,” in which his character will be gay.

“The thing is, I’m not ashamed – that’s the one thing I went to say,” Bass says. “I don’t think it’s wrong, I’m not devastated going through this. I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I’m just happy.”